I had some McDonalds today... So I decide to write about my top 5 food items that cause general discomfort or bodily damage. Let's get to it!
5. Gum with Sorbitol or malitol (fake sugar)
This product is designed to ease your mind by replacing processed sugars with sugar alcohol. Yum. This devious substance will not make you aware of it's downside unless you eat it regularly. Studies have shown that Polyols (Lactitol, Mannitol, Malitol, Sorbitol, Xylitol... Anything ending with "ol") can cause a variety of intestinal fun. Read this
4. Tim Horton's coffee
I think Timmies made a deal with the devil when they created their coffee. It tastes great but damn... it's like an involuntary colonic (What is a colonic?). Although it is supposedly beneficial I think the positive side is negated if you are at work or stuck in your car. After learning my lesson the hard way I have covered my car seat with plastic... Like I'm going to give up coffee...
3. KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken for the acronym impaired)
I chose this for number three because of the fact that after eating substances served by this establishment you see your life flash before your eyes. It's delicious, it smells great... So what exactly is wrong with it? Every time I eat KFC I feel my heart struggling. Here's a good read, I swear to you it's fact.
2. McDonalds - I'm lovin' it
Mmmm mmm good! I think McDonalds food is alive when you eat it. I say this because it seems to go down for a bit and then wants to come out through the nearest available exit. My guess is that it can't hold it's breath very long and then tries to re-surface for air. Read this.
1. Taco Bell
I went to Taco Bell once. NEVER AGAIN. Generally the rule of thumb is if it looks like feces and smells like feces, chances are it's feces. I thought this as I stared down the barrel of my Chalupa. I ate it anyways. I should have known better. I'm convinced that the kitchen is actually the employee washroom. This theory seemed to be reinforced by the grunting I could hear from the back. Upon completion of the vile vile chalupa I immediately knew that something had gone horribly wrong. My vision dimmed and I felt dizzy. Next I felt what can only be described as a Tasmanian Devil trying to rip out of my intestines. I will spare you the details but I'll tell you this, they had to replace the bathroom at work. I would post supporting links but there were far too many. Just take my word for it.
5. Gum with Sorbitol or malitol (fake sugar)
This product is designed to ease your mind by replacing processed sugars with sugar alcohol. Yum. This devious substance will not make you aware of it's downside unless you eat it regularly. Studies have shown that Polyols (Lactitol, Mannitol, Malitol, Sorbitol, Xylitol... Anything ending with "ol") can cause a variety of intestinal fun. Read this
4. Tim Horton's coffee
I think Timmies made a deal with the devil when they created their coffee. It tastes great but damn... it's like an involuntary colonic (What is a colonic?). Although it is supposedly beneficial I think the positive side is negated if you are at work or stuck in your car. After learning my lesson the hard way I have covered my car seat with plastic... Like I'm going to give up coffee...
3. KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken for the acronym impaired)
I chose this for number three because of the fact that after eating substances served by this establishment you see your life flash before your eyes. It's delicious, it smells great... So what exactly is wrong with it? Every time I eat KFC I feel my heart struggling. Here's a good read, I swear to you it's fact.
2. McDonalds - I'm lovin' it
Mmmm mmm good! I think McDonalds food is alive when you eat it. I say this because it seems to go down for a bit and then wants to come out through the nearest available exit. My guess is that it can't hold it's breath very long and then tries to re-surface for air. Read this.
1. Taco Bell
I went to Taco Bell once. NEVER AGAIN. Generally the rule of thumb is if it looks like feces and smells like feces, chances are it's feces. I thought this as I stared down the barrel of my Chalupa. I ate it anyways. I should have known better. I'm convinced that the kitchen is actually the employee washroom. This theory seemed to be reinforced by the grunting I could hear from the back. Upon completion of the vile vile chalupa I immediately knew that something had gone horribly wrong. My vision dimmed and I felt dizzy. Next I felt what can only be described as a Tasmanian Devil trying to rip out of my intestines. I will spare you the details but I'll tell you this, they had to replace the bathroom at work. I would post supporting links but there were far too many. Just take my word for it.
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, December 23, 2003 at 12/23/2003 10:37:00 PM.
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