My last post is a story I'm slowly putting together. I will display sections of it here as I complete them.
I was doing Christmas shopping today. I decided I was going to be super friendly to all the people taking my money. They reciprocated. That in itself is not odd. What is though is that I became uncomfortable with the friendly response I got… Maybe I wanted them to be a little more malicious towards me. They were tearing the money out of my wallet after all. The least they could do is make snide remarks and whisper things to each other and cackle about jokes that were presumably at my expense. At least then I wouldn’t have felt so out of place shaking my fist in the air as I was leaving the store, swearing a blood oath that I would someday have sweet luscious revenge.
I was in a store getting a gift for my parents when a barber shop quartet burst into song in the hallway. With a shocked look (mixed with a little fear) I turned into the store to see if anyone else could hear it… just to confirm I wasn’t insane... The sales people were all in tears. I could see a girl in the back curled up in the fetal position. The manager, trying his best to comfort everyone without taking his hands off his ears was scurrying back and forth behind the counter. One of them approached me, her eyes watery. “Wow! That must be irritating!” I said, knowing full well that she wanted me to end her life. I could see it in her eyes. To console her I asked if I could examine a product. She obliged me and for 10 minutes I hummed and hawed as I turned it around in my hand. I don’t know why I did that. I knew I wanted it when I came in the store. I’m just an asshole.
If anyone is reading this I must warn you of one thing. Don’t go to Walmart. Even if you think your life depends on it. I went in there looking for Lord of the Rings – Two Towers… Holy sweet shit. It was like a riot. The employees running around with assault rifles, shooting tear gas into the cashier lines and old ladies having fist fights over bargain lingerie made from burlap. I managed to clamber up on to the surging mob and make my way in to the electronics section. When I got there I could only see one Walmart drone caught in a tug of war between four ENRAGED moms. They were all claiming they were waiting for him first. Finally one of them whipped out a Big Bird, lime green and yellow novelty bat and beat the poor drone to death… then they all fed on his entrails. Turns out that they were fresh out of The Lord of the Rings – Two Towers.
I was doing Christmas shopping today. I decided I was going to be super friendly to all the people taking my money. They reciprocated. That in itself is not odd. What is though is that I became uncomfortable with the friendly response I got… Maybe I wanted them to be a little more malicious towards me. They were tearing the money out of my wallet after all. The least they could do is make snide remarks and whisper things to each other and cackle about jokes that were presumably at my expense. At least then I wouldn’t have felt so out of place shaking my fist in the air as I was leaving the store, swearing a blood oath that I would someday have sweet luscious revenge.
I was in a store getting a gift for my parents when a barber shop quartet burst into song in the hallway. With a shocked look (mixed with a little fear) I turned into the store to see if anyone else could hear it… just to confirm I wasn’t insane... The sales people were all in tears. I could see a girl in the back curled up in the fetal position. The manager, trying his best to comfort everyone without taking his hands off his ears was scurrying back and forth behind the counter. One of them approached me, her eyes watery. “Wow! That must be irritating!” I said, knowing full well that she wanted me to end her life. I could see it in her eyes. To console her I asked if I could examine a product. She obliged me and for 10 minutes I hummed and hawed as I turned it around in my hand. I don’t know why I did that. I knew I wanted it when I came in the store. I’m just an asshole.
If anyone is reading this I must warn you of one thing. Don’t go to Walmart. Even if you think your life depends on it. I went in there looking for Lord of the Rings – Two Towers… Holy sweet shit. It was like a riot. The employees running around with assault rifles, shooting tear gas into the cashier lines and old ladies having fist fights over bargain lingerie made from burlap. I managed to clamber up on to the surging mob and make my way in to the electronics section. When I got there I could only see one Walmart drone caught in a tug of war between four ENRAGED moms. They were all claiming they were waiting for him first. Finally one of them whipped out a Big Bird, lime green and yellow novelty bat and beat the poor drone to death… then they all fed on his entrails. Turns out that they were fresh out of The Lord of the Rings – Two Towers.
Post a Comment
