Recently I opted to upgrade my internet service to a business class account. My thought process was this: My internet speed is great and I want to host my webpage using my connection. I will upgrade to a business class account so that I can do this without having to worry about my ISP blocking my webserver port. As an added bonus I get double the upload speed!!! That's pretty rad. That and it only costs $20 more a month. I would be severely retarded if I don't upgrade. The longer I sit here not upgrading the more stupid I am. That being said, much to the confusion of my co-workers I proceeded to upgrade my account.
For a week it was like I was in heaven. I could pirate music efficiently, my porn loaded on my screen almost instantly and my webpage was up, running and unblocked by the Rogers NOC drones... All was well in the green forest. All the animals were content. The Giant was quiet in his castle. The second week we had extremely slow browsing. I ran some tests and confirmed that it was packet loss. So armed with this information I called in to have a trouble ticket logged for my account.
For my brother it was a different story altogether. We were just switching over to day shifts and he decided he was going to stay awake to reset his sleep pattern. Unbeknownst to me while I slumbered peacefully on my pillow top mattress, snuggled beneath my comforter the world came to an end for him. The Giant had awoken. I was alerted when I woke up and went to have my shower. On the floor outside my door I found a note... Scribbled with rage. "The internet went down today and I was trying to stay awake so that I wouldn't be tired for our day shifts and I couldn't play my fucking Final Fanta-fucking-sy... I lost control and I've slaughtered all of the happy bunnies and chirping birds...%$&#*% ##(@(%(**& &&^%%#@ @@@!!!Y F@!!!....." I glanced nervously at his closed door as I made my way in to the bathroom. While showering I could swear I heard muffled screams and crying.
As I exited the bathroom I was greeted by the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. My brother was huddled in the corner naked with a red magic marker in his hand... He was talking to himself... I couldn't make out his words. As the rest of the hallway came in to focus it became clear what I had heard while showering. The walls, ceiling and carpet were covered in writing. "All work and no Final Fanta-fucking-sy make Chris a dull boy" Turning back to my brother I'm startled to see he's looking at me, eyes bloodshot and tears streaming down his rage-reddened cheeks. "HOTMAIL WON'T LOAD!!!" He looks like he's about to pounce so I toss my dirty underwear to the side to distract him as I dash in to my bedroom and slam the door behind me. I press my back to the door to keep him from getting in. I can hear animal sounds in the hallway and then silence. A few minutes pass and I can now hear a strange sound behind me. Turning to my left I can see something being squeezed through the crack between the door and the frame... It's my underwear. "What the fuck" I mouth silently. Tentatively I reach out and pull the underwear out of the crack. They look chewed up. Unfolding them I see what he had done. Before I fainted I realized that my underwear had been chewed into the likeness of a wizard... as I lay on the floor with my vision dimming our eyes met under the door. The last thing I heard was him whispering :"It's slower than dial up Sean"
For a week it was like I was in heaven. I could pirate music efficiently, my porn loaded on my screen almost instantly and my webpage was up, running and unblocked by the Rogers NOC drones... All was well in the green forest. All the animals were content. The Giant was quiet in his castle. The second week we had extremely slow browsing. I ran some tests and confirmed that it was packet loss. So armed with this information I called in to have a trouble ticket logged for my account.
For my brother it was a different story altogether. We were just switching over to day shifts and he decided he was going to stay awake to reset his sleep pattern. Unbeknownst to me while I slumbered peacefully on my pillow top mattress, snuggled beneath my comforter the world came to an end for him. The Giant had awoken. I was alerted when I woke up and went to have my shower. On the floor outside my door I found a note... Scribbled with rage. "The internet went down today and I was trying to stay awake so that I wouldn't be tired for our day shifts and I couldn't play my fucking Final Fanta-fucking-sy... I lost control and I've slaughtered all of the happy bunnies and chirping birds...%$&#*% ##(@(%(**& &&^%%#@ @@@!!!Y F@!!!....." I glanced nervously at his closed door as I made my way in to the bathroom. While showering I could swear I heard muffled screams and crying.
As I exited the bathroom I was greeted by the most disturbing thing I have ever seen. My brother was huddled in the corner naked with a red magic marker in his hand... He was talking to himself... I couldn't make out his words. As the rest of the hallway came in to focus it became clear what I had heard while showering. The walls, ceiling and carpet were covered in writing. "All work and no Final Fanta-fucking-sy make Chris a dull boy" Turning back to my brother I'm startled to see he's looking at me, eyes bloodshot and tears streaming down his rage-reddened cheeks. "HOTMAIL WON'T LOAD!!!" He looks like he's about to pounce so I toss my dirty underwear to the side to distract him as I dash in to my bedroom and slam the door behind me. I press my back to the door to keep him from getting in. I can hear animal sounds in the hallway and then silence. A few minutes pass and I can now hear a strange sound behind me. Turning to my left I can see something being squeezed through the crack between the door and the frame... It's my underwear. "What the fuck" I mouth silently. Tentatively I reach out and pull the underwear out of the crack. They look chewed up. Unfolding them I see what he had done. Before I fainted I realized that my underwear had been chewed into the likeness of a wizard... as I lay on the floor with my vision dimming our eyes met under the door. The last thing I heard was him whispering :"It's slower than dial up Sean"
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